Like most professions, automotive repair
relies on good information.  Preciseness is a
must.  If the manual shows a tolerance for
a gear back lash or specific timing for an
engine, the person holding the wrenches is
going to do his/her best to obtain those
values.  It’s not only the values, but the
descriptive nature of the components that’s
just as important. If two techs are talking
about a solenoid or a sensor, the terms and
nomenclature are important for their
conversation. This is true in just about any type of job or hobby.  Getting the description of a component or procedure correct is all part of the communication.  But, that doesn’t hold true with the novice or misinformed customer.  Trying to sort out what is a real problem and what is not, can be a terminology battle.

I know I’m not the only one who’s had to deal with the phone call or customer at the service counter who is trying their best to describe their problem, while throwing in some term or part name that just doesn’t fit their explanation.  Now, if I try to explain something to someone I always will use the full name or common name for the component.  That way I feel I’m not misleading them.  They may ask several times, “Now what’s that part called?” and if that happens, I’ll try a little less professional explanation.  Although, from the consumer’s side of the counter all bets are off when it comes to explaining things.  I’ve heard it all. From headlamps being referred to as “light diffusers”, and a timing belt as a “clocking controller”, and of course, the ever popular… “relay switch”. There are thousands of odd terms out there, far too many for me to list here.

      By now, you’ve probably got some sort of grin on your face, yep, me too.  My wife on the other hand, tells me I shouldn’t stand at the service counter with that quirky little smirk when this happens.   Honestly, after some of the escapades I’ve had, you can’t help but laugh.  Just to prove a point, one night after dinner my wife and I were talking about a subject dear to her heart…quilting.  (Which I know next to nothing about.) I purposely blurted out a mixture of two different terms I’ve heard her use,  all in the wrong context just to see her reaction.  And, right on cue she went into full out “giggle snorts”, which nearly dropped her to the floor with laughter.  That’s proof enough for me. Whenever you’re talking to a pro, and you try to sound professional and don’t… the giggle snorts are automatic.

This also includes jumping into an explanation for one problem, and then abruptly asking a question that’s completely unrelated or absurd.  How do I handle these absurd questions? Easy, I have an absurd answer to go along with it.  Of course, I’ll try to correct their misguided information, as long as it doesn’t go so far off base that it turns into a lesson in automotive repair rather than trying to fix their car.

     Just the other day I got a call from a guy who told me this interesting story.   He said after installing a new battery the headlights wouldn’t work, the park lights wouldn’t work, and it wouldn’t come out of gear.  As his description of the problem continued, my little mechanic brain was already hard at work zooming through the wiring diagrams of that particular car and surmising the possible problems, when all of a sudden he blurts out an entirely unrelated question that stopped my thought process dead in its tracks.

“Do you think it’s the security system?” he asked.

Ok, good question… sort of. 

A quick rethink of the theft and starting system on that type of car, I answered him, “Does it start?” 

“Yes, but I can’t get it out of park.”

       Knowing the circuits I could deduce it’s not the security system, so I answered his question like this, “No it’s probably not the security system. I’ll bet you have an open circuit either from something you left disconnected, a blown fuse, or fuseable link.”

      “What’s a fishable link doing in my car?”  (Did I say that?) That’s a new one. (I’ve got that smirk on my face again.) He kept repeating it even after I tried to correct him.  For some people it’s from misguided information, or sometimes it’s a homegrown interpretation of how the car works. Sometimes they just don’t comprehend what you’re telling them.  It never ceases to amaze me how many times somebody will call a component by some homemade name, or twist a problem they are having into an indescribable adventure into some weird world of automotive jargon.
Maybe it’s me… maybe I’m trying to be too precise. But, I can’t think of any other way to be, except to be as precise and to the point as I can possibly be.  For example, the call I got about a 95’ Jeep that the owner claims to have ripped out “all” the wires.  But, it runs fine, has a transmission problem, and the tail lights don’t work.

     Aside from the short history lesson about his car, his only “actual” question was, “Do ya think it’s a coil pack?”  Ok, for the layman a coil pack might as well be a widget.  But, to the trained and seasoned tech the mere word “coil pack” speaks volumes. Again, that little mechanic brain of mine was trying to put together a mental picture of wires pulled out, a bad transmission, and no tail lights only to have this question about a coil pack come at me from left field.  Now all I have is this “Rube Goldberg” image of what’s left of this guy’s car in my head.  (For the record a coil pack is a device that produces the high voltage spark for a spark plug, and a are in pairs or multiple coils molded together to form a “pack”.) 

     His only question was whether or not I think it was caused by a coil pack. My answer to him, “Ah, no.”  The more he explained his problem the more my diagnostic mind went into a tail spin with even more bizarre interpretations of unrelated issues.   At some point it becomes a futile effort to either explain things, or try to make sense of what is going on. 

      Every mechanic has experienced these “questions” at some point.  I for one, get a kick out of the absurdness and wacky explanations.  If you can imagine spending a day deep in thought over a serious diagnostic problem with countless diagrams, software, and scanners, then end up on the phone with somebody wanting to know how much to put a helicopter landing pad on the top of their Yugo, then you can understand why your mechanic gets a case of the giggle snorts when you ask him that.

      Sometimes it might be better just to tell the mechanic what the problem is and leave the diagnosing to the experts.  The details are in the communication, the better the communication the fewer giggle snorts. 

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